I wasn't one of them who could relate to this song before the that incident happened. I wasn't one of them who felt like I needed to question my partner, "who do you love?". Obviously when you ask that question the doubts have already filled your mind and sometimes you already have the answer but yet you still want to hear the words from them. It was a tough time for me to get through, and although I would want to say that I'm over it, I'm not sure if I am or that I will ever be. It's hard, really hard to know that someone could just step in and ruin the trust effortlessly; the trust that I tried so hard to build. That someone not only took away what I thought would be beautiful, but also left me with an endless list of doubts.

My brain wasn't programmed to delete the bad memories but instead it clicks on a replay button that brings back the ugly memories and images. I'm forced to face them myself most often than not. Every now and then I would question myself and the decisions that I made. I really hope one day this replay button stops working so I don't have to think so much... so I don't have to question so many friggin' things. Why this and why that. I want to feel safe again but how? How do I throw out these disgusting images? I want to wake up one day with these memories deleted from my mind. I want to wake up feeling like I'm not second to everything or everyone. I want to wake up seeing someone whom I know will never hurt me this way. All I need is security.

People always say, never compare yourself with the others but I keep doing that and it really puts me down. Why do I still have this question in mind. Who do you love. It's been two years. Am I not supposed to let it go? If this is how it feels to have a crack in the relationship, I finally understand why they say never let those who cheated walk back into your life because: 1)they will cheat again, 2)trust is gone down the drain, 3)you will never forget what happened and 4)things will never the same again. I actually forgot three out of four ex bfs of mine cheated and these four are the ones whom I really cared for. It's like a pattern or just a curse that I'm bound to live with. I'm not happy. Do I really need people to remind me of this every now and then? No. Especially not her. What I need is to feel special, not like some kind of fckin' dumb replacement or "the one after her".